Undone By Mercy

I realized something today. I’m letting other people and other things live my life for me. I’m not taking responsibility for my own actions and my own inactions. I’m praying, asking God for guidance, for aid, for purpose, for determination, and then I am turning languidly to the other side, and becoming angry because so and so did this. I am complaining about things I did to myself, things that fall under my jurisdiction. I am caught in a web of dishonesty, of failure, and of greed, and I built it myself. I built it around myself. God has been following me, the ever-diligent Father, cleaning up after me, rebuilding my bridges after I’ve burned them. Enough.
Once again, Matt Carter’s sermon proved so true. Just two days ago, I left church wondering how the message would be played out in my life. How God would use the recession in my life as a gift. And here it is. Here is rock bottom. And here is salvation. May my sins be revealed, may my slate be wiped clean. I’m done with complacency, with blaming others, with inaction. I am going to start living my life. Though the thought of it still seems a little overwhelming, I have unshakable trust in God. In His plan. I’ve always had that. What I didn’t have was the understanding that I, too, have a part in this. I can’t lie in my bed and expect my life to transform. I can’t openly deny the will of God and expect it to play out anyway. I’m simultaneously the car, the speedbump, and the road of my life.
Well I’m done. I’m doing this. So watch out.