Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the UT Website

Perhaps I'm biased because I am a Texas Longhorn through and through. If my mom was dumb enough to join a sorority and if I was delusional enough to follow in her footsteps, I would be a legacy.

Luckily for us, instead we have a legacy of academia, fun, and accomplishment. So suck it, delta delta delta.

Anyway, the UT website isn't the best. It's kind of ugly and kind of cluttered and a bit hard to navigate. But my word, it is pure, burnt orange bliss compared to the UCLA website. I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING. And I am pretty dang computer literate. I'm up with all the trends and technologies and I even keep track of the gaming world because it's now an integral part of the entertainment industry. I always have to help my best friend (holla, butt chic) with everything computer because I get it and she... um... doesn't.

Anyway, I can't find ANYTHING. Luckily, I did find my class info in an old email. So there are not as many things up in the air and I am freaking excited. The only things worrying me, though, is getting my rental car squared away and finding the proper parking and meeting my roommate. Because that can be touchy. Worst case scenario, I'd crash with some friends I have that are still in LA. If my roommate is a psychopathic murderer who wears lavender-scented things and shines her lamp in my face.

So... I leave in three days and have a bajillion things to do. Maybe on the plane I'll write about my crazy vacation and how we almost died at a small town carnival. Maybe.

And in the midst of this God-forsaken nothingness, I will fix mine eyes upon the cellphone towers.

If you don't know me in "real" life, you might not know that I tend to both wax poetic and lean toward the dramatic. I don't have a problem with this. It makes my thoughts very entertaining to me. This is not to say I welcome drama in my life. I actually hate nothing more. All feelings should be talked about and expressed clearly in an adult way. I loathe fighting and I loathe being driven to say cruel things and having cruel things said to me. Words cannot be taken back and I think it best not to say things you'll regret and have to apologize for. But I digress...

Anywho, I'm starting to get crazy nervous about heading out to Los Angeles. Even though I've already done it, and for longer, there are so many lose ends! And this time, my parents are shoving me on a plane and I won't see them until I take a cab back from the Houston airport. I'm not having leaving-home issues. I love love love spending time with my family, but I also really like my independence. I'm having "there are too many open-ended things going on in my life and OMFG I LEAVE IN A WEEK AND A HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You know, issues like that. I need to do some super-sleuthing tomorrow/today. (Why do I always blog late at night?) I need to figure out some of these lose ends, because they contain so many possibilities that my head just starts to spin around because how am I supposed to comprehend all of these possibilities?!?! Just one of the hardships of being a perceiving person; always being able to see all of the countless possibilities life has to offer. But sometimes they can be overwhelming! Like now.

But I don't have time to freak out over possibilities because today ended the first leg of a family trip to visit my Grandpa and Uncle. We're up here in the Texas panhandle, y'all, and I'm shocked by how rural Texas still is. I spend most of my time driving from BIG TEXAS CITY to BIG TEXAS CITY and had just forgotten how beautiful and sometimes barren our great state can be.

So we're up here in the panhandle, and I can't say where because since there are like... 2 other people here, a stalker could easily track me down and torture me before killing me slowly and painfully and then committing unspeakable acts unto my slowly rotting corpse (I warned you I leaned toward the dramatic). And tomorrow starts the family-seeing and the food-eating and the good times that I really hope include watermelon, because GOD, I love watermelon.

And when I look out at the barren highway and the rolling plains up here, it's hard to stress about all these nebulous futures looming over my time in Los Angeles. Because life is simpler here, and I like it. Give me a couple of days, and I'll miss the hustle and bustle of the BIG TEXAS CITIES, but for now, I'm very much at peace here.

Even if this town only has like 8 restaurants and no mall.

Remember that one time I saw Steve Carell in the grocery store?

Yeah, probably you don't. Not because it never happened, but because I never blogged it. Now that it's been just over a year, I think it's safe to talk about it.

I'm just kidding. I'm not going to bore you with a story where I didn't talk to or get a picture or autograph from Steve Carell.

No, instead, I'm going to regale you with a clever and new tale about my current life. So fasten your seatbelts and take a shot of your preferred liquor, because this is about to get bumpy, ya'll.

... ...

Not really. I don't think my life is particularly interesting. Which is maybe why I shouldn't have a blog. In any case, I woke up this morning and applied the crap out of some internships. I applied for a lot of cool ones, some not-so-cool ones and some really weird ones (who knew Toby Maguire had his own production company??). I already got an email back, asking me for an interview. So that's really exciting. I guess my resume this year is muy impressivo (that is m own version of Spanish, and if it's correct, it's completely by accident. But I doubt it is.) and that my wit and sparkling personality just shine through a harsh, cold corporate email.

Or this company is in a pinch and/or looking for a SLAVE. Because I am nothing if not a functional amount of paranoid. But I feel like this is a good omen. Things are looking up for me, at least career-wise. My personal life, however, has taken a mighty downturn. This might not be the proper arena, but I'm going to vent anyway.

My best friend is all the way across the country, doing an awesome internship with GE. My other best friend is in Oklahoma, tucked away at school and far from me. And that's kind of it. Somehow, I've lost a lot a lot of friends. People I never thought would let me go/ I would let go. I have a couple of friends who are newer to the equation, so while I love them and enjoy their company, I can't yet count them among my best friends.

One friend is at a different school, as we all are, and she has become completely enamored with her new friends at school, to the point of forgetting the friends she used to have. One friend is too busy with all her activities to have time for me or even for herself. But the startling trend in my life is that I have a couple of "friends" who think it's okay to treat me like crap. I'm tired of being put down, insulted, hurt. The two have very different issues and I have very different relationships with both of these people... but the root of the matter is, I don't deserve to be treated this way.

I've taken a major blow to my self-confidence through these people. I no longer feel loved. I no longer feel beautiful. I no longer feel desired or wanted or cared for. I've become overly-critical of myself, seeing me how they see me; One sees me as a fat, ugly funny girl. The "ugly" friend you keep around to amuse you and make you look better. The other one sees me as an annoying, overemotional bother. Someone who is simply a waste of time.

It's been hard to deal with. Hard to handle being these awful things to people I love. So I'm on a slow path, sealing my heart from one of these friends in particular, who continues to hurt me and give false promises. One of the positive things about me, I guess, is that I care very deeply and passionately about people. I am slow to put up walls and easily manipulated, because I see only the good in people. However, once those walls go up? Good luck getting them down again.

Sorry this post took a turn for the emo.

To make up for it, I'll tell you my Steve Carell story. I had just moved in to my new apartment in Los Angeles (the Burbank area) and my roommates and I took a little drive down Cahuenga to the Studio City Ralph's. We were standing by the apples, and I was looking at all the shiny, delicious choices, when my roommate grabbed my arm and whispered furiously, "That's Steve Carell!"

I casually looked up, apple in hand, and was literally a foot from him. My heart started beating really fast and I went back to looking at apples, glancing up at him whenever I could. He was wearing a baseball hat pulled low and had his son with him, so we didn't want to bother him. That certainly didn't stop us from kind of stalking him around the store. But only for a couple of aisles.

Maybe this was a sign. Maybe Steve Carell will be my new best friend, since some of the ones I have aren't who I thought they were. It's a comforting thought.

I'm a little bit hungry and a lot bit distraught

It's 1:17 in the morning as I write this. Which is fine. If you know me at all, you know I'm a total night owl. Except I hate that expression, because I am afraid of birds and even though Harry Potter made owls seem all cool and magical, one time one sat on the roof outside my window and hooted at me all night long and it was extremely creepy and now I hate owls even though I still think Hedwig is cool beans and I also checked to see if that night-hooting owl was carrying my acceptance letter from Hogwarts because even though I was 18, I still had hope that it's all real!

And how's that for a run-on, ehhhh?

Anyways, I'm writing this blog post to say a few things. You know, like how people who blog usually do?

So, without further ado, I present to you my current thoughts in convenient list form!

1) I promise, once again, to post with more regularity. I really, truly do. So... let the posting commence! With this very post! I can't lose!! Exclamat!on Po!nt!!!!

2) I'm kinda hungry. Which is a problem, because night eating is a major weight loss no-no.

3) Speaking about expressions I hate: no-no. I vow never to use it again. I'm embarrassed. My bestie and I, Kendolla are stuck in some weird pattern where we rather consistently say phrases we hate. We don't know the reason behind this strange compulsion, but we're slaves to it all the same.

4) Four score or some odd weeks ago, I was really excited because I came up with this super awesomely super script idea. And then a few days later, I became absorbed with brainstorming more about the world of the story, and this amazing backstory came to me and I was chugging right along, brainstorming the way only I (and other ENFPs) can, when it struck me... This wasn't a script, this was a novel. Now, I'm not inherently against writing a novel. In fact, I wrote my first at the tender age of 11. I didn't finish it, but it was rather good for an 11 year old. I don't know why I didn't finish it. I mean, I'm sooooooo good at posting on the blog. Anyway, I'm not against writing a novel. The problem is: I have one year of school left in which I need to write my little fingers off so that I can have finished scripts to shop around when I'm a penniless Comm School grad. I don't have time to write a novel. And I'm unreasonably sad about that. And so that is why I'm distraught.

5) Well... I don't have much to say, except that this chapstick is NOT living up to my standards.

6) And my knee hurts.

7) and Kendolla wanted me to post a picture to prove/disprove to her the difficulty of posting a picture in a blog. Ergo:

hmmmm... she is right. Maybe something is wrong with Blogger? Because I can't even get my picture to post/am too impatient when I'm this hungry/distraught to wait for it to load.

8) So the point of this was only to tell you dumb things and to impress you with my list.

9) How are you, my internet darlings?

Love,

Kaitlin

EDIT: Here's the damn picture. I took it on vacation last year.