Remember that one time I saw Steve Carell in the grocery store?

Yeah, probably you don't. Not because it never happened, but because I never blogged it. Now that it's been just over a year, I think it's safe to talk about it.

I'm just kidding. I'm not going to bore you with a story where I didn't talk to or get a picture or autograph from Steve Carell.

No, instead, I'm going to regale you with a clever and new tale about my current life. So fasten your seatbelts and take a shot of your preferred liquor, because this is about to get bumpy, ya'll.

... ...

Not really. I don't think my life is particularly interesting. Which is maybe why I shouldn't have a blog. In any case, I woke up this morning and applied the crap out of some internships. I applied for a lot of cool ones, some not-so-cool ones and some really weird ones (who knew Toby Maguire had his own production company??). I already got an email back, asking me for an interview. So that's really exciting. I guess my resume this year is muy impressivo (that is m own version of Spanish, and if it's correct, it's completely by accident. But I doubt it is.) and that my wit and sparkling personality just shine through a harsh, cold corporate email.

Or this company is in a pinch and/or looking for a SLAVE. Because I am nothing if not a functional amount of paranoid. But I feel like this is a good omen. Things are looking up for me, at least career-wise. My personal life, however, has taken a mighty downturn. This might not be the proper arena, but I'm going to vent anyway.

My best friend is all the way across the country, doing an awesome internship with GE. My other best friend is in Oklahoma, tucked away at school and far from me. And that's kind of it. Somehow, I've lost a lot a lot of friends. People I never thought would let me go/ I would let go. I have a couple of friends who are newer to the equation, so while I love them and enjoy their company, I can't yet count them among my best friends.

One friend is at a different school, as we all are, and she has become completely enamored with her new friends at school, to the point of forgetting the friends she used to have. One friend is too busy with all her activities to have time for me or even for herself. But the startling trend in my life is that I have a couple of "friends" who think it's okay to treat me like crap. I'm tired of being put down, insulted, hurt. The two have very different issues and I have very different relationships with both of these people... but the root of the matter is, I don't deserve to be treated this way.

I've taken a major blow to my self-confidence through these people. I no longer feel loved. I no longer feel beautiful. I no longer feel desired or wanted or cared for. I've become overly-critical of myself, seeing me how they see me; One sees me as a fat, ugly funny girl. The "ugly" friend you keep around to amuse you and make you look better. The other one sees me as an annoying, overemotional bother. Someone who is simply a waste of time.

It's been hard to deal with. Hard to handle being these awful things to people I love. So I'm on a slow path, sealing my heart from one of these friends in particular, who continues to hurt me and give false promises. One of the positive things about me, I guess, is that I care very deeply and passionately about people. I am slow to put up walls and easily manipulated, because I see only the good in people. However, once those walls go up? Good luck getting them down again.

Sorry this post took a turn for the emo.

To make up for it, I'll tell you my Steve Carell story. I had just moved in to my new apartment in Los Angeles (the Burbank area) and my roommates and I took a little drive down Cahuenga to the Studio City Ralph's. We were standing by the apples, and I was looking at all the shiny, delicious choices, when my roommate grabbed my arm and whispered furiously, "That's Steve Carell!"

I casually looked up, apple in hand, and was literally a foot from him. My heart started beating really fast and I went back to looking at apples, glancing up at him whenever I could. He was wearing a baseball hat pulled low and had his son with him, so we didn't want to bother him. That certainly didn't stop us from kind of stalking him around the store. But only for a couple of aisles.

Maybe this was a sign. Maybe Steve Carell will be my new best friend, since some of the ones I have aren't who I thought they were. It's a comforting thought.