Hitchcock Knows Best

As per usual, I'd like to begin today with a letter to September:

Dear September,

I am so glad this is the last day of you. You have done nothing but disappoint me and play mind games. Are you bipolar or something? You're hot then you're cold.

You're yes and you're no. I can't figure you out.

Maybe next year, if you change, we can reexamine our relationship. For now, you are dead to me.

xoxo,
Kaitlin



Why would I break up with September in such a public arena?

Because it's approximately 9000 degrees outside even though HEB started selling pumpkins already. And even though the weather is not getting in the mood for fall, fate and irony certainly are. More specifically, in the mood for Halloween.

When I was walking back from the gym, I started to get really uncomfortable as I heard the unmistakable screech of a flock of blackbirds hidden among the trees.

Now, internet, it may be too early in our relationship to divulge this tidbit, but I'm going to go there:

I'm afraid of birds. That's ornithophobia for all you academic types. Why yes, I did just google fear of birds to get that word! I haven't been formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist, although many would argue I should consult one. For several reasons, such as that I was late to the gym today because I had to step on every leaf in my path, on the offchance it would give that satisfying crunch...

Anyway, back to my ornithophobia. Because this is a rare (and stupid) condition, I will elaborate on my symptoms. No, really, I want to.

I am not afraid of small birds like little swallows and sparrows and whatnot. I'm not going to e their best friend, but I'm not afraid of them. The exception is the hummingbird, because I fear I will hear a rustling and in the next instant, a sharp, needle-like beak will peirce my eardrum and the hummingbird will suck my brains out like that sweet nectar.

I am nothing if not realistic.

I am comforted by the thought that I could probably thump a hummingbird away before it could lacerate my eardrum. Anyway, I'm really just afraid of big birds. Not to be confused with Big Bird. He's cool.

When I hear a bird chirp or call or squeal or screech I get goosebumps on the back of my neck. And then I start to be really afraid that the bird will attack me. I JUST KNOW that the evil bird will peck either my eardrum (again with the ears...) or the little nob at the base of your neck in the back. Like where your spine starts. It's irrational, it's terrible, it makes me walk crazier than when I step on every leaf.

So I was walking home and there was literally a FLOCK of birds in the trees on the side of the street I was on. I am not ashamed to say that I stepped in front of a car to get out of the war path.

Birds have flown into my head/face multiple times. This is not completely unfounded.

And no, I have not seen The Birds and I NEVER will. Why would I willingly submerge myself in my deepest fear without professional aid? The original Psycho scared me to death and Rear Window used to creep me out when I was younger. Hitchcock knows how to scare me WITHOUT my greatest fear.

So, yes, that is the only Hitchcock I will never see.

It's a Wonderful Life(time Movie)

Pros of Today: CHEESY Lifetime Movies, It's a Wonderful Life, Cinnasticks, and the soon-to-be enjoyment that is SNL (hosted by Hugh Laurie with musical guest, my african brother Kayne!)

Cons of Today: Studying... boooooo... Couldn't use my favorite mug for my coffee breaks because it was in the dishwasher... boooooo... I'm sore as $%^... boooooo.

But the pros by far outweigh the cons. Anyways, I teared up during all of the lame/wonderful movies I watched today. Which makes me feel AWESOME. haha

Did I ever mention how much of a loser I've become? I realize that studying for finals is a valid excuse... but still. I feel like I've fallen off the face of the Earth. I am floating in the nebulous, caramel-y center of the Milky Way, pondering the meaning of life, the things Jimmy Stewart does to my heart...

But I still feel like a super loser. But oh well. I learned my lesson from the holiday movies: Don't take anyone for granted. Some people in my life should maybe get a refresher in that course, and that's all I'm gonna say about that. :/

But enough melancholy emo. Let's party! And by party, of course, I mean study. And in closing, I'd like to congratulate Amy Poehler on a job well done. SNL won't be the same without you.

A Public Service Announcement:

Brought to you by Kendall and Kaitlin's Kitchen (hahaha... no? Just me?).

Okay, people (read: men): NEWSFLASH:
Calling a girl you're interested in "buddy", "pal", or any other non-gender specific terms is WRONG. If you want in our pants (or, you know, our hearts) do not make us feel like the your friend's younger brother, who tags along with you and kinda annoys you, but mostly you secretly think he'd kinda be your ideal perfect son, if you ever get married, plus you always wanted a little brother, but no matter how much you begged your mom, she gave you two annoying little sisters who stunk up the house with Nair and nail polish, and so it's kinda cool showing a little kid around all the time, but it can get kinda annoying when you want to scam on chicks...

But I digress...

The point is, GENTLEMEN, it's a complete and total turn off, and has, on more than one occasion, made me lose interest in someone, just because they called me "pal", "buddy", "bud", "pally", or ANY OTHER VARIATION.
Kapeesh?