Just like Ye Olde Housewife

I wish I had a windowsill upon which to cool my pie.

Except I made cheesecake and not a pie.

And is it just me, or is windowsill a really weird word?

In other recent news, I am just ready to curl up with some new beauty products, slather on some lovin', get in my pajamas and call it a life. This week has plumb wore me out. So much so that my East Texan is coming out of hiding. Although I've only lived in South and Central Texas and don't so much have an accent...

The point of that delightful (is your eyebrow cocked in skepticism? Mine too.) anecdote was to tell you that this is kind of going to be a cop-out post. Which will actually please some of you, because it will be way more informative than my posts usually are. Unless you count an inordinate amount of injuries, illnesses, and freak accidents like simulated face herpes. Which, who does?

So without further ado, I give you The Pumpkin Cheesecake to end all pumpkin cheesecakes. It's a Paula Deen recipe, ya'll, so you know it's good. I refer to her as the Patron Saint of Dessert.

Step 1: Combine all things sinful and mash them down into a crust. Add more butter if you're feeling footloose and fancy free or if your pants feel loose.


Step 2: Get frustrated that the cream cheese isn't beating smooth even though it's ROOM TEMPERATURE and add the pumpkin puree anyway. Try not to think about what it looks like. Also do not taste this. Cream cheese and pumpkin do not a pumpkin cheesecake make.



Step 3: Get excited when it beats smooth because you did things like add eggs and sour cream. Get disappointed when it still doesn't taste good.

Step 4: Add a bunch of dry ingredients and helpful things like sugar.

Step 5: Mix it all together. With love.

Step 6: Get excited when it looks good when you pour it into your new springform pan.
Step 7: Pop the sucker in the oven for an hour. Notice your oven door looks like something out of a horror film.


Step 8: Admire the baked cheesecake that didn't crack! Let it cool in the oven for longer than you think it should take.Step 9: After letting it cool, take the cheesecake out of the oven at 3:17. A.M. This adds a certain flavor that can't be recreated when normal people walk the earth.

Step 10: Go to bed at 4:15 A.M. because the sucker is still not cool enough to go in the fridge. Set your alarm for 4:45 A.M. And cry.

Step 11: Wake up in a stupor and get out the plastic wrap. Remember to take photographs. Fail to notice if they're blurry.

Step 12: Drop the plastic wrap in your perfect cheesecake. Smear its uncracked, unmarred surface.

Step 13: Cry. Throw the offending wrap haphazardly over your shoulder. Decide to let the cheesecake go uncovered because Fridge is another one of those elusive 3 A.M. flavors that can only be harvested by fluorescent light while wearing dirty glasses and a frown.

Step 14: Put the cheesecake in the refridgerator and vow to cover the scraped part with homemade caramel and cinnamon whipped cream.

Step 15: Turn around and see what you've done to your kitchen. Cry.



Step 15: Stumble into bed at 5:00 A.M. Crying optional.


Here's the recipe. It really is worth the heartache.

Ingredients

Crust:

• 1 3/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 3 tablespoons light brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 stick melted salted butter

Filling:

• 3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, at room temperature
• 1 (15-ounce) can pureed pumpkin
• 3 eggs plus 1 egg yolk
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
• 2 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

For crust:

In medium bowl, combine crumbs, sugar and cinnamon. Add melted butter. Press down flat into a 9-inch springform pan. Set aside.

For filling:

Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add pumpkin puree, eggs, egg yolk, sour cream, sugar and the spices. Add flour and vanilla. Beat together until well combined.

Pour into crust. Spread out evenly and place oven for 1 hour. Remove from the oven and let sit for 15 minutes. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 4 hours.