The Carbs Are Worth It

I'm an extrovert. Really and truly I am. I delight in the attention of others. I get my kicks not on Route 66, but by making new friends and telling jokes and making people laugh. That being said, I LOATHE group assignments with a fiery, burning passion.

I wish to fling my project (and some of my group members) to the seventh circle of hell! That reminds me of a story... When my baby brother was about 5, one Sunday in Sunday School, the kids were asked to draw a picture of God beating the Devil or something like that. My little brother came home with a piece of paper where God was saying to Satan "I vanish you to heck!" Because he mistook "vanish" for "banish" and he knew "hell" was a bad word. Isn't that just one of the most precious things you've ever heard? But I digress.

Where was I? Ah, yes, righteously flinging group members to eternity in ceaseless fire. Sweet. But all this hatred for my group members doesn't mean I hate groups as a rule. Au contraire. I deeply love the Women's Chorus and wish to serve them as well as I can. I was selected as Second Soprano Section Leader and so I really feel a responsibility toward the organization. Which may or may not have lead to me baking 107 cookies at 12 a.m. on Friday night.

These cookies are my specialty. They've made me more friends than I can count. The recipe is from Paula Deen, who, as you may remember, is the Patron Saint of Desserts. They are 3 kinds of chocolatey sinfullness and topped off with some heath chips. To die for, people. To die for.

First, you begin with butter. A lot of it.

Then, when you've stared at that long enough that you feel your arteries clog; you add some shortening.

 I like to use butter flavored shortening, because... well... why stop at 2 sticks?

Next, you blend those two together until you make it light and fluffy on the outside. Inside, it is just as rich as you remember. Tricky.

Then you add helpful things like white sugar.

Then you pack ridiculous amounts of brown sugar. Confession: I loathe packing brown sugar;

But I simply adore the little sandcastle-like mound it makes when you dump it.

Then you give those sweet nothings a good beating. Then you add 3 eggs. Cage-free of course, for a clear conscience. At least as far as chickens go. You'll probably still feel guilty about abusing your waist-line, but hey, not my problem.

(P.S. Do I get bonus points for that sweet action shot?)

Then you add a teaspoon of vanilla. Wonky, awkward hand grip optional.

Then you shall lift your eyes up to the hills:

And you will see that it is good.

Then you segregate out a bunch of white powdery things that would probably really confuse Paris Hilton.

And now we can all take a moment to squee over the adorable measuring spoons my mother got me one Christmas.

Now look at the picture again, now back at me. Now back at the picture, now back at me. Well, you can't really see me, but I wanted to make an Old Spice joke. So sue me. Or, you know, gaze upon this glory:

Now, gather the troops:

The Mucinex in the top right corner is optional, but I think it gives the cookies a real kick. A lil' somethin extra.

Next begins Part 1 of what I like to call "Pour and Stir" because that's all you do.

Then you have to chop those cute little bittersweet squares.

And then comes Part 2 of Pour and Stir.

And after you think your arm is going to fall off and your spoon is going to break, you get this:

And it is glorious.

So then you ignore the recipe when it says to make 1/4 cup cookies. (Seriously, they're unmanageable.)

Then you bake them a minute or two less than the recipe calls for; you'll have to monitor for your oven/ how large you choose to make them.

And eventually, you'll get this:

And then you'll, of course, want to use the most precious, amazing spatula ever that your bestie gave you last year for Christmas:

And then you'll repeat until you have this:

Seriously, y'all? They're so good.

Here's the recipe!

Ingredients

• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
• 1/2 cup vegetable shortening
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 3/4 cups firmly packed brown sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 (12-ounce) package semisweet chocolate morsels
• 1 cup milk chocolate morsels
• 3 (1-ounce) squares bittersweet chocolate, chopped
• 1 cup almond brickle chips

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Lightly grease baking sheets.

With an electric mixer, beat butter and shortening at medium speed until creamy; gradually add sugars, beating until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla, beating well.

In a small bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt; gradually add to butter mixture, beating until blended. Stir in chocolate morsels and almond brickle chips. Drop cookies by 1/4 cupfuls about 3-inches apart onto prepared baking sheets. Bake for 11 to 12 minutes, or until lightly browned. Let cool for 2 minutes on baking sheets. Remove to wire racks to cool.

And here's the direct link, just in case you want to print, etc.: 

Three Chocolate Cookies

Y'all have a great day, and I hope you try these cookies soon! Or come visit me and I'll bake them for you. Either way, we'll all be getting fatter.